Saturday, September 23, 2006
(knocks on wood)

one time i was told something that strangely hurt me alot. I got kind of sad. today i learned something (related to that other something) that made me feel kind of hurt (more that the first time). it was like what i thought i wanted turned out to hurt more.

what hurt so much about it? im actually not sure. mabye it was the finalism (if that is a word) that it showed. maybe it was the pain that it signified. or the possibility that the someone you cared about got hurt. maybe it was the fact the i couldn't do anything to help or make a difference...but most probably it was the realization of stupidity and the fear of sadness and everything that comes with it. so there... i'm not sure but thats what i think it could have been.

anyway enough of that...recently useless things seem to fill my everday. but today wasn't so bad i got to help a friend...even just a small gesture i'm glad i was able to help. though i wish i could go myself saldy my mom has absolutely no trust in my capabilities to be responsible.

i felt like sharing today to about the thing i worte about at the start but sadly time would not allow such a folly (haha ang stupid ko talaga i made sure pa na tama pag gamit ko nung word kaya ni-word search ko pa para di ako mukang bobo na gumagamit ng word na di ko alam si non fol·ly- An act or instance of foolishness. happy ako kasi tama yung pag gamit ko :P di namam pala ako ganyon ka stupid) i took this as a sign that it wasn't the right time. and it took that to help me realize that everyone right now has so many problems that i would be selfish to expect them to listen to me complain my ass of. so in all im kind of glad that i didn't go through with my plan of sharing my damned emotions. I might have even saved someone from having to read my stupid complaints and anoying opinions. i'm actually glad i didn't disturbe anyone.

so on a happier note let me say i love imagining stuf today my sister said that she had a list of things she wants to do before she dies and since i love imagining a fair amount of ideas came to my mind with the same theme as hers... things i'll do before i die

15 THINGS I'LL DO BEFORE I DIE
(in no specific order)

15. travel to all of the counrties (back pack) and w/ a friend/lover/husband...
basta sum1 i can laugh/cry with
[kasama diyan isang or more pa na place sa Philippines na hindi ko pa napupuntahan

14. have children (*yes have children :| )
...not now ofcorse

13. to sleep on the beach w/ stars shinning bright w/ a friend beside me
at either naguusap lang kami
or tahimik lang na nakahawak kamay namin
la lang i really like the idea

12. to be on the side of rain and dry at the same time (litteraly)

11. find/experience romantic love
just to know what it's like

10. to paint/draw (w/ shading na super) something beautiful
...my definition of beautiful

9. to take care of an animal
and i'll name it "tatin"
secet ko nalang kung bakit yan yung pangalan ;))

8. swim naked in a river/lake/ocean w/ someone...na kaibigan
ayoko pool...pero if wala nang clean na real thing magkakasakit nalang ako

7. over come my irrational fear of the dark, hights,being eaten by fishes at something else pa.. pero secret nalang yon hehe(kahit yung maliliit natatakot ako seryoso ako :|)
ex:bunji jump, sky diving, sleeping in the dark,swimming...of some sort

6. finish a story...
and it has to mean something

5. learn to play the guitar
(para yan sa baby ko para makantahan ko sya :P)

4.5 someone to play that thing i want played to me/ kahit ma hear ko lang
na hindi ko sinasabi sakanya

4. become a vegitarian/ healthy person
...im trying but its sooo hard, wala ako masyadong will power

3. walk in really hard rain and have fun optional: w/friend

2. tell the people I love that I love them and i'm so greatful to have know them
[nagawa ko na sa isang tao yon which im happy that i did :) ]

1. to live somewhere completly new...
scary but it would be nice...especialy if you knew
you had a home to go back to

0. to be a good person who lives life and laughs and cries
who makes mistakes but is strong enough to stand again
(bakit ba? sino bang nag sabi counting numbers gagamitin ko?
real number naman 0 ah!! MWAHAHAHAHA)

-1. learn how to cook at take public transpo
(gusto ko talaga mag luto...

pero yung both di ako pinapayagan ng magulang ko)

[-1?!?!! haha wala lang may naisip pa ako eh...hahaha evil lang talata ako)

so yan ang gusto ko gawin seguro mas madami pa pero yan ang mga naisip ko lately. masaya mag pangarap... especialy pag masaya o malungkot.

one of my useless talents =))
wala lang felt like posting it

Labels: fun