Sunday, April 29, 2007
9th summer entry
RULE: bawal ang English na sagot. [wehh. Rule nga di mo matagalog eh.]
- makalat ba sa kwarto mo?
>> oo naman ako pa :D
2. sinong namamalantsa ng uni4rm mo?
>> yung katulong po
3. nakipag away ka na ba sa kuya mo?
>>oo naman :D kuya ko ganyon lang talaga
4. madali ka bang maimpluwensyahan
ng iba?
>> depende kung sino yung tao
5. my ate ka ba? kung wala gusto mo
bang magkaron?
>> may ate na ako eh
6. cute ka ba?
>> depende seguro kung sino tumitingin
7. sawang-sawa ka na ba sa buhay mo?
>> hindi naman :) masaya naman ngayon
8. favorite sahog sa halo2x?
>> di ako kumakain ng halohalo eh :P
9. alam mo ba ung ariel and maverick?
>> ariel yung maliit na isda na tao? di ko lang alam kung tama yan
10. takot ka ba sa ipis? y?
>> oo pero pag lumilipad lang naman :).
11. matapang ka ba talaga?
>> ewan minsan depende sa nangyayari
12. nagseself-pity ka ba?
>> oo naman :) ako pa
14. ilan ba ang buwan sa pluto?
>> isa lang, diba kaya sya nasabing isang planeta?
15. mabilis ka bang makalimot?
>> minsan depende kung ano pinapaalala mo sakin :)
16. anong style mo pag nag
mememorize ka?
>> ewan...kaya mababa mga marka ko sa paaralan eh...di ako matyaga :P
18. may kilala ka bang lalaking mahilig
kay hello kitty?
>> wala pa naman :)
19. bading ba sya?
>>wala nga diba?
20.Ano kadalasang pinag mumulan ng
away nyo ng utol mo?
>> katigasan ng mga ulo namin :D
21. malakas ka ba?
>> ewan ko...seguro nasagitna ako
22. gusto mo bang tumalino?
>> oo at hindi di naman kasi ako bobo kaya masgusto ko sana maunawaan ko nalang ang mga tanong ng buhay at mundo :)
23. sasama ka ba sa kin?
>> depende...sino ka? saan? transportasyon? oras? yan ang itatanong ng tatay ko :P
24. natatakot ka ba sa manyakis?
>> ewan ko di ko pa sila nakikita eh
25. sino ang pangunahing tauhan sa noli
me tangere?
>> si ibarra diba at yung babae nya?
27. pabor ka ba sa death penalty?
>> hindi, kahit kelan hindi
28. halimbawa ginulpe ka manlalaban ka
ba?
>> depende sa araw ko. kung masama na baka maglaban ako pero kung di naman seguro sasabihin ko nalang sakanya pa tigil nalang.
29. halimbawa makikipagpalit ng heart
sayo si Jesus Christ for 1 day itatry
mo ba?
>>ewan ko lang...baka di makayanan ng utak ko...ang lakas nya mag mahal diba?
30. nag-enjoy ka ba sa pagsagot nito?
>> oo at hindi :P nagamit ko ang talento ko sa pagtagalog :P di ko yon nagagamit madalas eh
Thursday, April 26, 2007
8th summer entry
the world is always different from what it seems. people usually act differently from what you want them to do. we end up doing things differently from what we essentially plan.i used to think that i was still that innocent little girl who believed in everyone, who thought that everyone acted as i would. but i guess the world wanted to run while i still was learning to walk. people are maturing so fast that i can seem to get a grip. whether you call it confidence or antisocialisim (not a word but what the hell) that lets me sit by myself in a fast food outlet and just reading without getting bored for three to four hours or whether you call me boring or a child for preferring staying at home and watching t.v. to going out and malling or bar hopping, most people find those things unusual for a girl my age. but what can you do when thats what you like? when you'd rather do group work by yourself and out of your whole family your the only one (including your younger siblings) who hasn't drank anything alcoholic excluding the required sip of wine every new year? what can you do when apparently your body and mind is just incapable to do grown up things and think in the grownup way. i just dont get growing up...
so anyway my dad little sister and big sister are going to the farm of my lola and i can say im a bit envious. i want break like that. i dont want to be stuck in my house with only my older brother and my mother there. it's just not right to leave me. but i guess thats a thing i have to deal with.
i have a problem with time, it doesn't seem to want me to keep on holding on. it always finds a way to creep on and move on. it doesn't even have the courtesy to say goodbye...
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
7th summer entry
its late at night and you know what i've been thinking...really i have and i cant seem to shake that feeling that i want to know what it's like to fall in love to feel that first kiss. i guess it's sort of immature to think of those things when i think about future relationships i may or may never experience but i dont really want to help it... i like thinking that someday maybe i'll meet just the right one. that one day it would be real...instead of some high school girl fantasy. haha laugh all you want, it's not like im looking at every guy as a prospect. no. im actually being patient. just here waiting and living my life the way i do. it comes when it comes and me forcing it to come might lead to making a mistake and getting the wrong thing. but dont get me wrong :) i do believe in the saying " it is better to have loved and lost then to have never loved at all" or something to that note :Poh yeah me and some of my friends went out to EK and had a great time. we played laughed and just enjoyed the day/night. we also had a lift on the fehris(?) wheel and it, i guess, was a scary prospect. i got on though and honestly i was scared but really happy as well. i was glad though that we didn't have to stand up while at that hight or i might have fallen off the ride and broken my head. hehe...anyway...im still going to chem camp but i am lately finding my self getting bored faster. i seem to be more restless then when it started. i hope i dont because sitting in a car for more that 2 hours is really making me sweat and smelly...ewwww.... hehe okay..so i've got to go and sleep it off :P it being my tomorrow tiredness... btw i haven't cried yet since my trip to EK with my friends...it really a relief since i haven't the faintest thing to cry about and that is a good thing. so here i am right now awake at 12:30 pm and getting up at 5:30 am and writing that i am happy and hopelessly romantic and with a smile :P okay so here i go bye :)
Saturday, April 21, 2007
6th summer entry
so bagong layout uli :)) maaan wala akong magawa...which is actually not really true. i've been doing alot for summer and my brain cant take it. i am naturally tamad and would rather sleep and just bum around. so its not really fun, fun. but its fun...gets? well other then attending regularly the chem camp i joined -__- i attended a thing with my friends in EK :) it was such a relief...a break finally...this is one girl, who has been lonely, tired and just plainly pissed, that has finally gotten a break and thank God he gives breaks...I've lost most of my summers but thankfully God is still letting me have some of it back :)
Friday, April 13, 2007
5th summer entry
new layout and trying to find a nice game to play :) thats basically my life...wooow friday the 13th..not that im superstitious but its funny. so i'll tell you some other time if something weird happens today later because now i plan to sleep bye :D
Thursday, April 12, 2007
4th summer entry
(actual date: april 12, 2007 actual time: 3:54AM i took note of this from a friend)its four in the morning and i am afraid. you know just generally afraid. the kind of afraid that makes you cry at night even though you dont know why but actually you do know and sometimes its just too frightening to say or even think it out aloud. right now im being eaten alive by mosquitoes and im listening to Daughters by John Mayer yet all i can think about is how much i want to curl up and stay like that forever, not having to face the world. i guess it doesn't help that i watched the third season of gery's anatomy and it made me really sad and i couldn't cry the whole time I was watching because i was with my brother and sisters. I am a crying type of person. i know we shouldn't use labels but that is what i consider my 'thing' to be. i cry, that's what i do best. i cry during movies, when i think i've screwed up, when people i love are hurting, when i see a stranger hurting, when there is sadness, when my life gets confusing, when it hurts and even when i dont feel a thing. i turn to these tears to protect me, to make me feel as if something, someone, would come and save me. and i guess when i dont get to cry, i stay up and just write because crying wasn't an option.
you must think of me a weak little girl who makes up all her problems and i guess i am that.
okay scratch what ever i just said there right now i am crying and i know its stupid to confess and things are really confusing right now so i dont know.
just to clear things up its not my grades...those are average, as usual but i deserve even worse with the way i've been studying. its not the UP talk nor the sister coming home. no. its not either of them. but its something i hope, or i could be here hurting for no apparent reason and that, to me, seems worse since im not really ready to go to some mental institution...not just yet (haha just kidding...im almost sure im not going nuts) so there thats my entry. i guess im not going to share about my outing on monday nor about card day because, right now, im just about done crying...i hope
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
3rd summer entry
im in the summer stage of cleaning my folders in the computer. i've already cleaned my book places and arranged them in the most space conserving way (unfortunately i still had to place some on the floor of my cabinet -_- too many books). while cleaning the folders i saw my old, but not so old, essay i wrote for my english paper. i sort of like the way i wrote it and i didn't get a bad grade for it...i think a minus one because as i was editing it before i accidentally deleted part of a sentence and this led to the nonsensical sentence in my essay and also because i made the first paragraph in that form of the middle thingy...i dont know whats it called :P anyway i wanted to post it here (parang gayagaya no? :P but thats not the point) btw stuf happened but i'll make that kwento some other time :D me is happy :) thats enough information for now i guessLunch Period
Michelle Marie Mendoza
(#25 III-4)
It’s hard to find a place where you belong, some never actually do find it and some find more than one. And though this makes me sad, I think I have found that place. It wasn’t a place you’d normally think people would feel they belonged in. It was more of like my own secret garden.
I had found my garden when I was in my 1st year of high school. Some might say though that I actually didn’t find it because this place had always been there. During the last day of the annual intramurals of our school I didn’t really feel like being with anyone. Not because I was mad with anyone or anything like that. It was simply for the reason that I wanted to be left alone. During lunch, I decided to take a walk around the campus and I stumbled upon a place where the trees gave shade, where the wind would whisper in your ear and the grass would grow not to prick you but to tickle your every sense as you lay down on its bed. I had always dreamed something like this, a place where I could avoid school and dream my little dreams. Looking around me, I thought, ‘this is perfect’. Though like all dreams, this bliss ended as soon as my time in the garden started. I had to go back to reality and cheer on my fellow house mates.
We had a break after the intramurals but I didn’t forget my secret garden. When school began, I would leave my classroom after the lunch bell rang and I would go to that place where my heart was most at ease. This would relieve me, for a few minutes, of all the stress and sadness I was feeling that day. I even met a manong there and we sort of became friends. When he would see me, he would politely ask “Kumain ka naba?” and I would answer “Opo.” with a smile, though my answer wasn’t always true. He didn’t ask me to go away nor did he tell me it wasn’t allowed and this helped me feel more welcome. Without fail I came to visit this place more often, sleeping, dreaming and simply being there. I was mostly by myself during lunch that year yet I was more at peace than I had been in a while.
Since then a year had passed and I was entering my 2nd year in high school. During the first day at school my friend asked me “where were you last year?” Hearing this caught me by surprise, and I tried to tell her where I was but I wasn’t sure how to put in words how much that place meant to me. I showed it to her and a few of my friends. They liked it enough and that was to be expected. Who in their right mind wouldn’t like a place to call theirs? After I showed that place to them they asked me another question that I couldn’t really answer. “Why don’t you eat with us?” It wasn’t like I hated them; I’m just the type of person who liked a little me time, but because the topic had finally come up in our friendship, I was caught in a dilemma. Either I stopped going to my little garden or I stopped hanging out with my friends. Since none of these solutions seemed good to me I had to think of something new.
One lunch period I came to my friends and said. “Hey guys, you want to eat at my place?” and luckily enough for me they agreed. We went there and they actually had fun. I guess they, like me, enjoyed the quietness of the place and how it seemed like you were the only ones there. We started going there more often but unfortunately many of my friends didn’t like the time it took for them to come to my garden and one by one, stopped coming with me. Once in a while my friends came with me. Sometimes I stayed with them and sometimes I went alone.
Bringing my friends to my place tuned out to be a decision I would soon regret. Apparently when you’re in a bigger group people take more notice of where you’re going, and the people who had, in the past, not noticed my garden were now starting to take an interest. I realized this when I went to my place one lunch period. I saw some other people hanging out there, not in my place, but the one beside it. That was the first time anyone else even went near my garden and I couldn’t help but feel alienated. It was my place; I was the first one there. What gave them the right to take it from me? But since the ground was school property, it had to be shared. This was the beginning of the end and from then on, slowly, my garden was being shared with others.
My secret garden finally stopped being mine. During one hot lunch period, I had to do some group work. I went to my place later than usual and there before my eyes I saw a group of people sitting where I used to sit. This ripped my heart and for once I felt like I didn’t belong in my garden any longer. Days after that incident they kept coming back and all I could do was watch. I had lost the home of my heart and the resting place of my soul.
It’s been a year since then but I still miss my little garden. I sometimes find myself looking out the window and remembering how it used to be. I guess, God decided to let other people enjoy what I did for over a year. And though now it is painful to remember how today I don’t have that same comfort that I used to do. I am still glad I found that secret garden and I hope that I would be one of those lucky people who find more than one sanctuary in life.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
2nd summer entry
happy easter :Dwell nothing really has happened yet. im reading still. i made a post before this but i decided not to post it. well really, i deleted it mwahahahaha....labo. i ate alot today, a sunday, fries, 2 2 pieces of burgersteak. wala lang felt like telling you. i had another dream... it was sort of weird the past two were like people related...1. with strangers. 2. with friends. 3. had a power freaky thing with strangers again and the 4th were with friends again but there were "powers" with the story... very strange theres a pattern :))
anyway i stayed up mainly because i was feeling really lonely all by my self in my room. so i went down and watched tv with my siblings. so now im awake and i finished my new blog layout weee i hope i can fix the c box soon and the background im sorry im not going to fix that :)) im really tamad. i have. i always have during holy week. weeee...
oh yeah we went to mass yesterday...some really long mass that the priest eventually said that that really wasnt a mass. Oh well. -_- after that me and my sister skipped the procession and the 12 stations of the cross and bummed around the car with my brother. we celebrated mass (but not really mass) from 2:30- 4:45?? then made tambay from 5:00 -7:30 weee....i got a head ache because i was reading lying down :P then my mom, when they came back, decided she wouldn't make libre food as promised before hand -__- just the usual...
tomorrow, which is actually today, we are going to the farm, which is not really a farm, to see our cousins, who dont live in the farm, and greet happy birthday to our lolo. weeee. the farm is at B something. :P and my mom is going to kill me when i dont wake up for the 6:oo AM mass she plans that the whole family will attend. 6:00 AM, 6 AM so i have 1 hour to sleep =)). weeeee
oh yeah :) my dad is driving na :) it really a good time. i was starting to get scared there. i hope it'll last long :) okay im going na....next time happy easter nga pala