Wednesday, October 31, 2007
i got new glasses yesterday since i seem to have the capability to shorten the life span of anything just by holding it. we also went out to lola's farm on sunday. it was fun enough. the night of sunday i cooked for my siblings that was new. though yes it was only hot dogs considering i've cooked nothing before this was an okay start :) 8 hotdogs okay? cut into 8 parts. lots of oil fired back at me but who cares right? i was too afraid of burning the food to notice the pain.
Sunday, October 14, 2007
Conscience
It said on the white paper given to our class that following one's conscience means that one would do what is right and move towards the common good. With my dilemma now I'm not completely sure if there is a 'right' move. I have always been apprehensive of people leaving my life and coming back again, them acting as if nothing was supposed to change. I found it quite selfish of them to expect such and act on love from me when I had none to give. Because this scenario happens quite frequently in my life, I have grown to learn never to get too attached to people and for them to mean less than or just as much as I do for them. I have even sabotaged some of my friendships with people when things got too good. Part of me thinks that I do this because I feared that letting someone too close would inevitable let me grow to love them and then one time or another they would just leave.
All that I said before is just instinct; inside though or as some would call it my conscience tells me that that kind of action is wrong. It does not let a person grow. That being afraid of expectations, hurt and any kind of closeness is something that leads a person to destruction not for the better. Some people have become close to my heart and maybe I owe this to my conscience for stopping my instincts. It is sometimes good and sometimes bad because of the hurt but the good times make up for the bad, most of the time anyway.
I am stuck in a dilemma like I was before. Do I stop a blooming friendship or do I let it continue? I wonder what my conscience is telling me yet it is silenced. What do I believe is right? I am not sure. If I say it’s over it would hurt this person and even though I would be free from future pains I would have hurt someone and that is something I do not want. But if I stay it might turn into something I do not want or I would be the one to be hurt. It really seems like a no win situation. None of the scenarios seem like the best for the common good of the world. What is worse still is that I think I may already care about this person. I hate the fact that I miss this person when I don't see this person for a period of time and I hate it when I smile when we talk. It's as if my heart is already accepting this person. I'm not ready yet for someone like this person because he or she is hinting things I am in no means ready for especially not with this person. I know I have to decide soon what action to take or it's going to take on its own course. Which is for the best? What would help us both the most? I wish my conscience were a person on its own so that it could be right here talking me through this mess; him telling me what to do and me being comforted by that fact that his decision would be for the best.
In situations like this I never know what is right or wrong, what would for the best. I hope soon I would be able to decide or else my lack of action would have already chosen my decision for me.
Saturday, October 13, 2007
f o n s i eits strange isn't it? i'd rather play dumb than actually admit anything relating that word. It's sort of easy actually. it's rather irritating though. even though what ever the mean of that word is and whatever that person implied. why is it im always put up with someone else? how are you supposed to feel the sincerity when there are two of you?
its not that i feel anything like that. I really dont but i still find the situation rather irritating. The person knows what being an ass is and that person is practicing that knowledge.
no matter what happens, whether this person starts thinking im a ditsy blond i don't care, im not saying or doing anything.
Thursday, October 04, 2007
105 truths
galing kay rosa at mika :)
My 105 Truths
1. Real name – Michelle Marie Flores Mendoza
2. Like it – ...its a bit common but its okay :P
3. Single or taken – single and waiting but not really :)
4. Zodiac sign – Libra
5. Male or female – female :D
6. Elementary – Assumption Antipolo
7. High school – Assumption Antipolo
8. College - ADMU!!! for its math :) hopefully and UST for its arts...damn... im not sure which anymore...
9. Eye color – brown on the verge of black ^_^
10. Hair color – brown with black :-/
15. Are you a health freak? – wish i was but far from it :))
16. Height – 5'1'' on good days ...5'3/4'' on bad ones
17. Do you have a crush on someone? – no ^_^
18. Do you like yourself? – i should
19. Piercing – ears, lost them in the bus (the earrings)
20. Tattoos – only the ones i draw :)
21. Right or left – left :D though trying to be ambi
FIRSTS
22. First surgery – ...none :D im almost 89% sure...used a wheel chair once though
23. First piercing – (only) ears :) since i was a baby
24. First best friend – daisy bugarin (nung third grade i think :)) )
26. First sport – swimming ( :P just coz i love it)
27. First pet – real: kitty galing kalsada, stuff toy: si Tatin (love :) )
28. First vacation – cebu, my mother’s home
30. First crush – kenshin :)
CURRENTLY (As of October 3, 2007)
49. Eating – nothing (haha anorexic pala)
50. Drinking - not coke :| damn it
51. About to – do hw? :)) or continue procrastinating
52. Listening to – sorry for all the stupid things
53. Waiting for – someone/ nothing at all
54. Wearing – school uniform (note: 9:08 pm na :)) )
56. Want to get married – yup! :) though only if i find the right man who wants kids and who loves me soooooo much :) to a un-measurable way, the way i'll love him :)
67. Careers in mind – mommy, photographer, animator, teacher (pwede lahat yan diba? :)))
WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
68. Lips or eyes – smile :)
69. Hugs or kisses – hugs!!
70. Shorter or taller – taller :P suri
71. Tan skinned or light skin – ....not too white not too black :) Filipino skin! :D
72. Romantic or spontaneous – both but more romantic (actions than money) than spontaneous
73. Dark or light hair – dark 8->hihihihi...
74. Muscular or normal – normal (nakakasuka ang muscles...except abs :) hot ng abs)
75. Hook-up or relationship – relationship
76. Similar to you or different – if he understands I’ll take it either way
HAVE YOU EVER….
78. Kissed a stranger – no and never romantically... in the future maybe like cheek or forehead depends on the circumstances.
80. Broken a bone –nooo
81. Climbed up a tree –maybe...tried
82. Broken someone's heart – don’t think so :-?
83. Turned someone down – umm... didn’t ask, so no :) but yes like going out w/ friends
84. Liked a friend as more than a friend – admiration? :P
DO YOU BELIEVE IN….
86. Yourself – sometimes...till someone tells me otherwise :)
89. Santa Claus – in the saint :)
90. Kiss on the first date – never ever
91. Angels – yes... and not sure...
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY
92. Are there one or more people you want to be with right now? – maybe
93. Do you hang out with these people? –sometimes
94. Are you cool? – im me and that’s all i have to be :) (wahaha it rhymes)
LASTS
95. Text message – sam alleje
96. Received call – receptionist ako ni ms. O eh kaya yung sa Administration office; friend: richel, nagpapaturo sakin :))
97. Call made to – richel gusto daw nya magusap :)
98. Comment on Friendster – dont friendster
99. Missed Call – some freaky person :|
100. Person you hung out with – friend... define hung out with.. :)
101. You hugged – angel
103. You talked to – my sister? :) nagpapatulong sa hw eh
104. You slapped – no one :)