Wednesday, February 28, 2007
BEfore THe thING

Broken down? Like an old wrecked up car ready to be repaired? Well it may seem hard sometimes but don’t give up! Just keep chugging that (god damned) train, till you reach the next pit stop. It will be very tedious, difficult and seemingly complex because all your problems just seem to pile up. We may want to stop here and there but no one’s to say we’ll never reach the terminal, late or early. (The sentence before this seemed liked it hanged…oh well :P).

It’s already March, well one day away, and all I can do is stare at the floor and doze off. I’ve been so out of touched that even my grades have reflected it. I’m not that disappointed, I guess. I sort of deserved it (Okay cut the crap I really deserved it.) but worst of all, while I was talking the test, I just looked at it and came to a blank. It felt as if nothing, like I just didn’t care. That’s really the worst part about it. We just took our math test and I felt like I failed it worse than any other test I’ve taken. (Logically, though, it can’t get any worse.*shrugs*) I’m just supposed to be good at math and I’m not anymore, so that’s just a wee bit disappointing, just a teeny-weeny bit. (I can’t believe that’s a word =))

Tomorrow’s our THE thing. It really nerve wrecking but also so exciting. I can’t wait. Actually I can but that’s not the point. Im just so happy that something will let me rest a little bit. hay...lets just wish for the best :)

Labels: resting, school, thinking

Sunday, February 25, 2007
GK today

okay so nung pumunta ako ng ever kahapon nag hanap ako ng paints and water color paper. wala akong mahanap!! grabe parang @_@ where!?!!!???! nako papagalitan ako ni ms... hehe... well yon tapos habang bumibili kapatid ko ng pagkain tumitingin ako sa mga books. MAN!!! nakakaingit gustong gusto ko bilhin yung mga books.. katulad ng "breathing lessons", (yung book na hard bound pa ni...some peorson na magaling na writer na inaasam-asam ko pero dahil hard bound mahal na mahal ang presyo), yung drawing and sketching (??) bible, tapos yung isa by this person na di ko kilala :P, tapos basta ang dami :)) grabe nakakaingit talaga minsan :P at porke di ko alam yung mga title doesnt mean di ko mahahanap uli. :)) pag nakita ko malalaman ko :)

so this sunday nagising ako ng 5:30 para lang pumunta sa mcdo marcos ng 6:56 am or something. so nakatunganga ako doon magisa tapos (thank God) dumating rin si Angel at after awhile dumating si janine, mylon(?), del at jason(?) tapos next sila ged at mary rose. si frances sunod tapos si janille at ishia, then sina well yung iba na :D tapos we went to the site at grabe okay so nung una mass :) tapos may presentations at habang presentations pumunta kami nina angel, maryrose, ged, mylon, janine sa washroom tapos haha ang scary... basta it was scary confusing, melting at relieving. tapos may talks na im sorry to say nakatulog ata utak ko pero i still remember a bit of it :D "GK1mb!! kasama ako dyan!!" (quoted from angela), Bayan, Bayani: tayo at bayanihan
tapos may nag summary
Talk Person: Bayan?
People: ........
TP: ano ba kayo sagutin nyo naman ako :)), ano bayan natin
P: pilipinas
TP: ANOOOO??
P: PiliPINAssss
TP: okaay... eh I plus bayan
everyone else: Bayani!!!
GED: I-BAYAN!!!
(:)) wala lang benta sakin)
TP: sinong bayani?
almost everyone: tayo!!!
a group of people na kasama kami ni alys: KAMI!!!
( :)) so selfish?? :)) )

well yon...tapos kumain where i felt slightly nagpakita sila ng discrimination samin.. kasi porke AA kami pina upo kami sa table...eh anong reason yung babae kami eh yung ibang babae naman di pinaupo din... nako :| pero still i guess mabait yon that they gave us the space. well then we worked and i really wanted to work with the dirt and all but i got again the girly job with the paint and stuf. it was all in all really fun and really nice. though some of us ended up all painter up and having new highlights it was all worth it. :D

I went to mcdo waited and did nothing in particular till my brother came and picked me up then i went home :) wow so eventful :D

Labels: fun, GK, happy, mcdo

Saturday, February 24, 2007
boooks

WARNING!!!! posts after this might seem like too much information or unrealistically sad/insane. so lets talk about something nice before you read all the nonsensical things i have to say.

I am reading what seems to be a pretty good book :) and me being the no sense person i am made a book mark so i can properly mark the book.the book is called "Sophie's World" and by prior warning from the person who i borrowed it from (thanks sibyl :D) i am officially using the book mark i made at 10 pm today *yay* :)) haha okay thats something good in my life :D also that i am drinking coke. *whohoooo* i know its bad but screw you (for now) :P i know your right... sometimes it takes more than that to stop a person so here i am at 3:20 in the morning drinking coke and playing at addictinggame thank God they have games not needing flash :)) oh well took idiot test..was a nerd at my third try...tried several times more if i could get any higher :)) turns out thats all there is oh well :P

Labels: book, happy, reading

Friday, February 23, 2007
ouch?

So today i was actually able to bring facts to the fact that i can not work in a group. see me and a friend have been partners several times before and the same thing happens. its amazing we still try to work together. its not that we argue or anything, its just that we both cant get our ideas across and we end up staring at each other and just not accomplishing much. don't get me wrong, she's actually a really smart person. i guess our brains just don't jive.

well lets see what else happened today...well we just (we being nearly everyone i know) just finished a hell of a week. meaning we just had our test. and not only does that signify beating my brain up but it also means that its the last mdqt im ever going to take this third year. the 2nd to the last time i'll be panicking about third year AP, Fil and Eng... it king of leads me sad...yet...no actually, honestly im afraid of summer. i dont want it either. i dont really know what i want. it seems like only a while ago i was this simple little girl just thinking...just being there and enjoying meeting people in the washrooms in school... i sometimes miss that little girl though how devilish i remember her to be...or more appropriately how others remember her to be, since i can barely picture her in my mind.

So anyway going back to school grabe so many things comming up and im kind of excited and stuf... really i am :) hhahaha just wait nalang i guess for those posts...

You want to know something ironic? (and apologies if its actually not ironic) writing all this doesn't make me feel more relieved as its supposed to. If you share something, its supposed to make it better right? well...imagine what its like to open your heart and have someone touch it...even gently...and then you try to speak and all you can think about are those fingers touching you...sometimes crushing you...and you dont even know who it is... its like you giving a part of yourself and all you get back is that crushing feeling of being empty and a numbness that you cant shake away... and why do i still write here? because if i don't write it here its all going to bottle up and i'm going to end up crying my eyes out and maybe one of these days i wont be able to handle it...(maybe lang naman ^_^ worst care scenario hehe) .... its sometimes strange that i share my life with something so impartial and most of the time the only place i share my thoughts are though the internet and ive gotten so used to it now i find it hard to even talk to people face to face. Its pathetic i know. .you know, i can barely remember the last time i had a deep and really meaningful conversation with someone (except for 1 around 6 months ago) ...for just reasons sake...the ones right in front of your face where you actually exchange ideas and experiences...the last phone was with this person i dont talk to anymore...and the last ym...well that was recent, but see? its not that im not uber-duber greatful for them...it better then talking to a screen, but im just wondering...i guess some people have it worse than me... what just makes it more painful is that ive lost touch with some people... and though it wasnt good to begin with its just different now...and sometimes i just wish i could curl up and pretend i did care about any of these stuff. that my life before, keeping it all inside, is the life thats better, that makes me happier. but i cant... my heart cant take it anymore...its gotten used to being soft.

This is the ironic part i guess... im still typing....hahaha that kind of ironic right? :)) well i never was good with english...okay so for lots of people that may have been to much information. hay... sige i've been being too emotional...as some of the people i know would term me today "Ang E-MO today aaahh." sorry na....pagkinausap mo kasi ako emo lang talaga...di naman lagi just when i get serious... which is alot... but im not mature or smart or anything like that. so dont get it confused with serious... hahahahha :))

okay so biglang tumawa :| well kasi i realized i dont actually have to make kwento to my friends who read my blog. haha but then i thought again i'd be doing exactly to them what i, just 2 paragraphs above, was complaining about. hahaha okay so malabo kung malabo i said it anyway. okay...there goes the touching my heart feeling...its not the good king too... it like the ouch...why wont it stop...not naman the topple over and die pain thank God :)

Labels: emo?, labuanness, school, stuf

Tuesday, February 20, 2007
barefoot and naked

when your stuck affected by peer pressure and you never even knew it.

this may be a funny statement to read but for some it may actually be true. only realizing your changing your opinions based on what you hear other people say. thinking that your only open minded, trying to explain why you changed your opinion. Sometimes it gets confusing where the boarder of an open mind ends and the line to stupid-sponge begins. I guess, its just the way you look at it. How hard is your head? and what influences are really right to follow or take into consideration.

The thing is (since i am very selfish and i like to talk about my self) i (there goes the i again) (wait nawala na ako sa nasulat ko :)) oh well begin uli na walang comments) the thing is i don't really know which one i am. If I'm the sponge that just takes it all in or the rock that doesn't budge at all or am i the open mind that gets infections if i don't close it... hay...i guess i know what i am... maybe I'm just too ashamed to say it here. or i could be lying to you and i actually really don't know.

im a really loyal person, so i found out today, see there's a new store that opened near our house....like REALLY NEAR so now there are two stores near our house. like across the street near. well i find myself walking to the really far store to buy my regular dose of my favorite drug (coke..yung iniinom ha di yung droga -__-) and i actually really hate it when some people tried to convince me to buy from the new store....i actually like the walk...its very relaxing. and i guess i stick loyal to that store far away (thats not that far) because well i like familiarity...i guess that explains a lot of stuf in my life that are the way they are...

because i, marie, love familiarity. and is afraid of new things..not things but really more on people or i judge immediately though i know better and i presume they hate me so i have the instinct to keep away. dont get me wrong im nice to strangers... haha okay...i wont finish this :P bitin nalang kung bitin...i have to go by 8:00 cuz i have a brother who i have to live with sadly... :)) so what can i do right? :P sige buybuy :D

Sunday, February 18, 2007
college what?

one YM conversation na really got me thinking... names were changed for reasons not to embaras anyone :)

person2: ewan ko sa parents ko...never ako seryosong kinausap about college...
person1: seryoso?
person1: tinanong ka wat kukunin mo?
marie: oo so far wala pa...
marie: meron...pero yung parang pa joke lang
person1: lam nila na 3rd year kana ryt...?
person1: haha
person2: haha...ata
person2: sana naman
person2: haha ikaw? tinatanong ka?
person1: yup.kinukulit n nga ako na mag decide na eh!hmph!
person2: buti ka pa atleast...
person2: wat if nakalimutan nila at di pala ako mag college?
person1: =))

so person one kind of found it funny... :| no big... but still i realized... i am not planing my future at all... its kind of really scary... im relaying on people to start rocking the boat when i guess i should be the one... hayyy the thing is i dont want to rock it... :(
me nor my parents are rocking the boat... no plans...no classes readied...no school checking...no talks with them...no courses thought about... what am i going to do? what if i do end up with no school? what am i going to do then....

blabbing for no point.....

my mom is home and all i can say is its exactly the same. is that sad or not? im not sure anymore. today i talked to my dad as well. and as we were talking i found myself looking down. im not sure why. i just did... thinking about what he was saying... i couldnt look at him. it seem that i find it hard to look at people in the eye.... hahaha.... we were talking about some stuf and well i found i thought him to be some what of what he was saying... and that he couldnt see the connection as well. i dont really get what im trying to say here... im not saying as well that i get my family... but i dont know... right now with every thing happening (school, life, friends, family) i just dont know.

Friday, February 16, 2007
Valentines...a 3 day summary

today is not valentines day...but i guess what better time to share it then after i get to reflect a bit and the details are hazy right? :)

well lets start with the valentines day itself. well i guess the highlight of my day was when we were "talking" bout the pizza we were going to buy for valentines. and me being the poor person i am couldn't contribute to my share. my brother said then, i guess not intentionally, "don't make your self feel better, learn form your mistake...we'd have more if you didn't get any." okay so this might not mean anything to some of you guys but for me it actually, honestly hurt. so, me being the cry baby i've always been but with a bit more maturity (?) under my (details cut because after reading them realized they were stupidly too descriptive) basically i cried. and my sister came up and said my brother was asking me for my share of the money....she said he said please...which actually shocked me so i guess for our family that was a sorry. I gave my money and we bought FOUR pizzassss hmmmm yummy. well like most of you may think 4 people cant actually finish 4 pizzas in one meal. so we had 2 pizzas left and 2 slices and left them for the next day.

well nothing happened the day after...but i staved the whole day....3 of our groupmates were absent and sir decided we wouldn't present yet..thank God.... :| anyway went home and ate my remaining pizzas =P~ hahaha

the next day...well recap to valentines... i've only actually received one rose... and to think it was from someone who i dont really like...but then i guess i was happy to receive it.... today when walking up the stairs of the highschool building i went up to the classroom and God be hold... rose after rose were on every seat greating all of us with their addictive smell and the smile that they always bring. i only found out about who gave it when people started saying. "si sabu o meron ding rose" haha i guess that was a hint that she was the one who gave it. i actually felt really touched that she would go to the trouble for the class :) hehe anyway...we also had clubs today and i could feel the hatred she felt for me for not bringing any club materials. i could tell to she couldnt/ wouldnt believe my excuse that i had no money. and that i had absolutely no contact with my mother. hayy she is so traditional but i cant blame her. sometimes its hard to change ones perspective....i should know...i am really had headed.

well thats my valentine week... haha not much but its something.

we read a story for english and though at first i was rooting for the murder story.. i actually really liked our sweet... dentally unhealthy story :P i happen to like those stories... it was heart wrenching....
one of my statuses based on the sad story....
"will you take my rotten peach or trade me in for a rip one? or maybe you'll simply crush my heart... :'("

Another emo stat...for what reason? wala lang :))
i shall be a butterfly to make you happy...to make you smile, i shall be a butterfly...because though you think me pretty you run away

Monday, February 12, 2007
something

late at night when no one sees...no one knows...no one cares (everyone just wants to sleep :P hehe) some people like me stay up and burn the midnight oil so the day seems less painful and we simply drift about all day.


on one of those occasions i came upon a site called above the influence and i actually found it funny that i came there at that time. haha. it was sort of interesting in a way.... well thats all ive got to say really its a stressful week day and i just hate being the leader and i am so great full to those who work hard in the group you dont know how happy you made me. heck i dont even know hahaha....

oh yeah a night ago i did something really stupid which led me to erase the entries part of my blog... my way of sort of staying on hiatus. i asked angel if she was angry and she really seemed pissed of that i did ask it... well i felt really bad for some strange reason. and i shut down my site. haha but today you know what happened... she acted so different. she paid more attention to me and she hugged me and i dont know she hasnt done that lately and now i dont know what to think. i hoped though its not just a today thing....its hard not to get used to those things and get addicted...

Oh yeah they put out the list of people who would be the teahcers for valentines and ive always wanted to be one of them but i never am. i guess im not good enough but oh well :P hayyy theres always *hopefully next year :)

Sunday, February 11, 2007
FunfUnfuN

okay so this i can say is the most exhilarating day of my life. It actually hit of with a really good start.

6:45 - left home

7:09 - village of frances

7:20 - frances pick-up

8:00- AA school

8:45 - start classes

12 - ended classes

1:30 - pick up by frances's dad & mom

2/3:00- sibyl came

7:00 - went to AA school for legacy

10:00- greeted happy birthday to princes

11:00- was baffled by the beauty of music :x and regretted mom taking the camera

12:00 - sadly went home but was high...simply high

12:45- 5:15 -watched one tree hill season 4 episode 1-6 courtesy of frances

5:30 - slept

HAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY GRABEEEE SOO MUCH FUN!!!! thankyou to all those who contributed to the fun and those who were the reason for the fun.

I loved evey part of that day :) from waking up early and thinking that i was going to be late to hear guitara and being so close i could kick 5 or 4 people away and touch the amazing brains that made those songs :P the summary of it all would be i went to school with frances as my transpo and we had fun at school becuase i got lebre by natasha and then me and angela and frances went to frances house and ate lunch. we started to watch the movie anger management and we paused it to buy food. then sibyl came and we all bought together. we came back and watched anger and ate food then took pictures being the vain people we are. ^_^ and then we laugh...i feel sleepy then it was getting late but we decided to watch the devil wears prada which was funny becuase i spent the whole time stopping my self from answering fran questions about the story :)) and for that movie we ate bread na super yummy and we ate spaghetti and coke. then we went to the legacy laugh and the best part was watching parokya ni edgar hayyy :x

"I never really though my self as a music fan but apparently though I don't care much for an artist, man do I love the music. Every chord every word tantalizes my senses. Sends goosed bumps up and down me." i wrote that yesterday when i was still high with the music. haha sige thats it :) i wont bore you with the story of my grades :P

Thursday, February 08, 2007
too much emo is a bad thing

okay too muh overreacting in this part..soooo when i feel like emoing my ass of i'll write somewhere else :P haha

sooo this site from now on will be like the sumary of my life and though that is not how i write thats just the way it has to be from now on.

then again i could be lying :))

well it was the sci congress, it was kind of sleep but i was rooting for them to do a good job :) thats about it.

the 4th year legacy is comming soon weeeeee...

Sunday, February 04, 2007
is normal too much to ask for?

the one day which was supposed to feel elegant. one of the first moments we get pampered and treated as if we were worth the wait.


I am used to having things unusually weird and not of the normal standards of the human mind. and those who know me probably know exactly what im talking about. and i was shamefully looking forward to this day so that i could, for one day, be like everyone else and be a woman of elegance and be treated as one.

well it wasnt really anything like i imagined...instead of feeling more like a girl... i felt more like a guy. it might not be a big deal to some people but i just wanted that one moment of normalcy but i guess for it to be normal it would have to be the opposite for me... hayyy not that i hate my date and for the record i know hes not ugly.i can tell the difference between ugly and just not my type. well anyway so there the prom was okay but for me it lacked the essential.

is it too much to ask for a "your dress looks nice" or a "would you like to dance" or "i got you a corsage" or a "i had fun" or a God damned step out of the car and greet me???.... am i that ugly that you couldnt even look at me for that long? that kind of hurt...

anyway it was fun din i guess..though i would have liked a heads up that stag was possible... i would have gladly taken that option. anyway may pics sa multiply ko....


GADDD kelan ba ako di mag rerekalmo?? :)) hehe sorry nalang..hayyyy....