Friday, March 30, 2007
1st summer entry

its really early in the morning and unlike the past days im awake. this summer is turning out to be like all of my summers. im not really doing anything. not really making the most of things. i guess some would say their resting their brain or that their letting their brains turn to mush but, see, i practically didn't use my brain, only to the bare minimum, so here i am just eager to do something and thats the time theres nothing to do.

so far

ive read 3 books already i think and i dont even have to worry about the reading program our school does (i've read the two books for that). im enrolled in the summer classes but i still have to call for confirmation that im with their group. the chem camp got canceled...well canceled for the AA students anyway (im not really sure if julie got in or not...i'd have to ask her for that information). I honestly didnt fight hard for it anyway when i found out AA gave our names super late... i figured before that i didnt deserve it... but dont get me wrong i was excited to know i got in... but when i heard that they wouldn't be accepting anymore i felt relief... maybe i was just scared of being alone (a stupid reason i know), so i didnt fight...

its like the first day of school when you dont know your class and you dont know whats going to happen, coming to school with just a general idea...your afraid, frightened... yet you go to school and get a chance to meet new people, learn new things... this thing was like that for me but instead after waking up the buss breaks down and my dad asks me if i wanted him to take me...i say no, never mind... thats how it was like...the same emotions...the same fears....the same will

im over it anyway...i think

so ive done something in adobe wohooo its something other then reading... so thats okay i guess... i made a picture and a how to draw clip :)) so this is why im still awake
the picture is in my deviant art :) and this is the how to its not as nice because i had to crop the pic so some of the colors were lost...oh well...hope you dont fall asleep watching it :)






so i guess this is my first summer entry.
im just waiting for my friend to give me the grey's anatomy cds. im also eager to go out :) anyone? :)) im an eager bever so just invite. and well im... nothing really...summers fun :) i gues and im just glad i get to rest...

Sunday, March 18, 2007
end of the schoolyear

I wake up to see light, to see people smiling, to see laughter and sadness...i wake up to see the world. I walk to feel the ground, to feel love, stress, loneliness and camaraderie...I walk to live. I fall to feel failure, to feel defeat and to get up again...I fall to grow stronger. I will sleep but right now i'll hold on for dear life to what is left of the day...for after i sleep it will be tomorrow... and today is not tomorrow...nor will tomorrow be today.

(i tried to write but i guess im not yet ready...too many thoughts in my head...too many problems...too many things hanging...too many happy memories..just to many things to think about right now...I hope you dont mind...i planed this to be the end of the school year entry...but maybe i'll wait for the real end...no need to rush. what i wrote up there is sort of a blueprint for my life as a third year student...well life in general actually...oh well...i made a collage also of pictures but it didnt feel right... so i didnt post it...haha labo okay will go now...)

Monday, March 12, 2007
too high on sugar...oppss i finished the chocolate :))

there was something here before but then i realized it was not yet funny enough. I am still sadly incapable of understanding what the hell i was thinking then....well i understand but, well, it was something stupid and not of any value so if you've read it good for you and if not =)) im sorry for erasing it and leaving this for you to know that yes, you did miss something hehehe

Labels: deleted entry

Sunday, March 11, 2007
making time for blog ^_^ (ADDICT)

so right now its really full on stress. ive been out to so many meetings that for the past days ive been coming home Saturdays and a Friday just so that i could fall a sleep . So the times around, you know, 11 - 12 in the morning, leaving no time for me to do hw or visit my family. I want to make kwento so badly but i cant not to you blogger reader anyway (well depends on who you are). well i already shared to someone so that was such a big relief theres not much to say anymore. (wait so that was malabo -_- hehe :P) i'm glad my brother fell a sleep...though it probably was mean of me to not wake him up because he was supposed to write his report/project which actually had a really good topic When do we stop being human? ....but i really had to let some of the steam out and man this pressure cooker is no longer ready to burst. (btw thats a good thing :) ). i realized some stuff today and im so happy that i was able to help someone. Though the stress of everything is still there its nice to know someone talks to you and your use full to someone.

on a even more lighter note my little sister was trying to teach me the dick lift but i seriously couldn't do it. It seems to be beyond my capability. =)) i can body wave, split a little, back bend with synchronized hands and touch my forehead to my knees but i simply cant do the dick lift. not because i dont have a dick, since my sister has no dick as well, but because my ass is incapable of lifting a thing that does not exist in or out of my body. hehe

my lola also gave chocolates today...the big chunky kind. like really one bar like a two chalk board erasers put on top of each other, that bar. hmmmm so yummy...mouth watering. you want some? ;)) =)) haha i might bring it to school but that depends if i remember it. :P

so there with all the things i need to study i'd rather talk to my friends and do other stuff and update my blog. freak? haha just tell :)

p.s.: i read my past entries and i actually, strangely dont find them that weird. they actually sound okay...:)) see i dont think i write that well and for those entries to make sense is an amazing thing. except for some non pilipinos there im sorry for using some tagalog words but i try my best to use English. I speak, read and write better in english so its really easy sometimes... to the tagalog speaking people...im sorry also its not in tagalog...i just cant really express my self in that language but honestly it is more beautiful than the english one... deeper and so soulful, i wish i could but i cant... i can write alibata a bit...if thats any consolation :)) i love the Philippine culture :D we ROCK!!!! haha. so do the other nations but this is just home so its extra special :P

p.p.s. so that was really long and very malabo hahaha just bare with me its almost over
oppps not yet almost
i promise.... (see its going to end already im going to say bye na :D)

hey reader :D bye :) till next time :) :-h ( YAAAK ang YM adict talaga)

Thursday, March 08, 2007
why?

okay so ive tried to write this around three times and im feeling really stupid right now. how do i explain what amazing, disapointing, fantabolous, unbelievable and heart-breaking moments in just one entry? i guess another question would be... why would i tell it here?

im still wondering why would anyone share their thoughts with out the possibility of every knowing anyone better? why would you give a part of yourself to everyone (who reads your internet blog) and yet expect nothing in return, letting people know you and yet knowing nothing of them? how would that fill you? you just cant simply empty yourself and leave it as that...

OKAY so everything for me right now is as confusing as hell. extremely confusing. i have a lot of stories to tell and they all seem so important to me and yet i know their not really that interesting.

March 1:
we had our the thing...still cant spell it...and it was ultimately really fun. memories here and there. sister acting like her usual self. cooking. cleaning. delivering. preparing food. and simply laughing with friends. all in all it was fun.

went home then it was my sisters birthday and i ate 7 pizzas from pizza hut and all stuffed (the cheese kind lang) it was yummy though i probably shouldnt have eatten it all in one sitting...hehe

March 2:
ohhh yeah....
we were at the lab and ms hebs made kwento about her college days and told a funny story about killing rats and collecting stuf from them. then no clubs today, was happy for that :), and watched this thing na balet well almosted watched.... i kind of fell a sleep at some point. it was okay...

March 3:
went to school then to the mall to eat with sila fran, PDG, angela and rosalyn. then they commented on something on the car ride to angela's and i found it kind of funny...haha i had to stop myself from laughing out loud :P. then we went to angelas and "worked" (which includes eating, ym-ing, playing, working, talking and other stuff they may think of) it browned-out once and we worked by candle light till angela screamed her head out and we followed suit and only then realized she was screaming because the light came back. haha -_- went back to frans house and tambayed till kuya picked me up.

March 4:
bought new glasses

March 5:
well i think that day i fell asleep...hmm yes i think i did...im not really sure...mind is quite blurry about that...

March 6&7:

both really confusing days... was depressed and i know it's not the shrug off king but the really not good kind coz when ever *some* people tried to touch me i felt like taking their hand away, rubbing my skin with sand paper and cleaning it with alcohol. its not their fault in anyway...im just really a freak. well on the 6 i killed ms jose on the evaluation and well when she called me into her office i was like...shit...nalaman kaya nya na ako nagsulat non??? :)) tapos nagjojoke pa kami ng mga malalapit sa pinto na lagot ako...then when ms told me they *a group picked me as one of the people to go to the chem camp i was like -_- then 0_0 the o_O weh!? well really i couldnt believe it... im not the smartest nor the brightest (duh the same thing) so why would they pic me? and now that i think about it its kind of really scary... :( i dont know, i dont do well with strangers... this made me feel lost confused happy ecstatics "special but not really" ...and i already felt lost confused depressed fustrated... that thing just made my life more interesting and yet just the more complicated then before.
March 7 was well today...i mean yesterday and i was again (sorry its so repetitive-->) sad. a series of stuff did that to me and, the worst part of all, i let it. but then again God was actually realy i dont know amazing? i needed to forget and he gave the perfect distraction.

swimming

so that was like the blessing of a life time for me and i forgot everything...honestly. naisip ko lang fall, bend, dive, push friends over the edge of the pool...-_- (*coughfrancough), glid, neste dive...na super sa sakit!!! :)) tapos getting another bukol tapos people asking me kung tama yung dive nila...me asking kung tama yung akin, people just having fun... people smiling... oo nga pala one time during practice ms fe called me and said my kick was strong (parang ako o_O sure di ka bulag or something??) tapos pinadive ako tapos!!! PALPAK!!!!! MAAAN nakakahiya!!! :(( super as in pagkaalis ng paa ko sa edge alam ko nang palpak dive ko -_- bad trip!!!! tapos pina dive naman si lyra ang ganda!!!! so tapos nyon pinaredeam nya daw ako so yon pinadive uli ako so super takot na takot ako kasi baka mali uli nakakahiya na yon:( tapos yon Thank God tumama na so humappy ako. tapos yung tatlong magaling na ayaw aminin (alys, angel at pauline) pina-dive din :) magaganda din sila :D tapos yon...yun araw ko...masaya nadin...

ngayon...be glad you've added to my sadness...you know me more now and i barely know you... it hurts sometimes...just knowing i dont know you and yet we pretend to know each other..you here reading my thoughts... when really all i know about you is your using the internet and you've read till the end.

Labels: confused, emo?, happy, sad, school, thinking