its when things are at the extremes do we find that we can do our best or worst. but not really. I drew this on September 12, 2007 and wasted my red ball pen on September 13, 2007.

Ive come to hope that drawing what i feel takes away even just a bit of that bad feeling. but if it doesn't work, it doesn't matter that much. There's really no harm in drawing it. as the days go by im not getting less confused but its hurting less. during the day of September 12 all i could think about was the stupid goddamned thing i did and i could barely concentrate on my classes. i even had to sing out loud during the bus trip home because i could feel the tears creeping up on my eyes as i would think of the situation. sining, i have found, distracts my brain and lets me think of nothing.

i dont have a scanner so the picture isn't that good, im sorry.

i tried telling someone but everyones too busy. i even think she has forgotten that i've even mentioned such a thing. but heck, im supposed to be busy but i guess im just screwing things over. i hate this. i'm not even sad, just hurting and probably confused too.

i promised not to tell, and i wont, but i need some release and no matter how much drawing i do it wont have the same effect as talking about it...damn

oh yeah i have just finished all my applications and im not sure if ive actually accomplished them all. oh well. When the ACET is over i can relax about that then theres the IP to think about.... weee :| God does have a sense of humor.

if i make it though the year that would be a miracle. :( gahd... i need some one to hug... i think i've made the biggest mistake of my life...and for the first time i can honestly say... if i could change something i would change that in an instant.

If thats you... then im sorry...i said it was okay then but when i woke up the next i started thinking...and i regret it...so much... i dont think were there yet..i just dont.