Tuesday, July 17, 2007
up my ass

what the hell has happened to my temper? today i couldn't stand anyone talking to me. damn it. what the hell was wrong????? i honestly tried to listen but when i was still answering and someone was trying to ask me how to answer it i just snapped. i just couldnt take it. i have the right to answer questions to right???? :( sometimes i don't even get the time to finish what im doing while everyone else has. im then left there to finish my work looking stupid as if i didnt give it the time of day or it just took me that long to figure it out. im not saying i hate helping, in fact i love the feeling of people getting it or someone finally doing it by themselves. its just that today there was something different...

today i felt like the idiot of the world... i've had the urge to cry since this afternoon but yet nothings coming out. i made so many mistakes, dumb ones at that, and i just cant get the hang of it. the more i try, it seems, the more i just mess up. i'd want to ask someone to save me but i'd rather not. though right now, it seems so easy to just wish someone was here to hold me and tell me it gets better but something inside me it'll hurt more to wait for that someone. oh fuck everything...

if your wondering what the hell went wrong? well i could tell you the events but there are strange... usually i can take it. being stupid is not a strange thing for me. there was just something different with today. maybe like my entry before im missing the thing really bad right now... and maybe its the lack of sleep i have or maybe its the stress i seem to keep hidden... maybe its all of the put together maybe its just nothing and me just PMSing. today just sucked to kingdom come and another problem is looming over my head and i just wish i knew the answer so that i dont have to keep wondering damn it its just not worth thinking about.

well im going now...not because i have to but just because....