Saturday, September 01, 2007
waiting

what am i waiting for? im not really sure :) but im here waiting.

things are actually good. it feels strange to say that. its like i've been living a sad existence for quite some time and in my sick, sick mind i wanted it to stick. but like always it hasnt. im not confused right now, nor am i sad, suicidal (though i've never been) or any of that. I am though stressed (mainly because of school), exasperated, and just wanting mainly to stop school...oh yeah im stressed to because of well college.

some days ago ms o told us our class had the highest potential. i mean our 'IQ' on an average was really high and no one was below average...o was it above average? then alys started counting who were the superiors because ms said that we had 6 (or was that 7?). she said del, kat, amor, richel, dont remember, me and she didnt know the last one. and then ms said out of the top 20 (or was it 10?) we had 7 (or some other number i cant remember) and (as i've always known) i am definitely not part of that group though it is likely that the other superiors are. i've always disliked that term superior IQ. for me its practically worth nothing. what the hell does my IQ do anyway? nothing, that what. i guess i could use my dyslexia as an excuse but then thats just running away from my problems. i am just not that smart. well not a smart thinker. anyway we did promise we'd do our best this quarter and i hope i can. hahahaha okay maybe this is just me afraid of reaching superior standards and having to keep it up and having to deal with the pressure of being smart forever or maybe its just me afraid of reaching for the best i can and finding out i would just stand on the same platform as i do now. damn.. im not actually sure which is honestly true. honestly. i may be just as confused as you are after reading that. sorry.

anyway well im happy and i hope you all are :) im going now to read my book...im just taking a break from.... nothing really...just taking a break.