Saturday, June 30, 2007
waking to a dream

again another Friday was spent staring out to the blurriness of the sky, the trees and basically everything that was around a yard stick away from me. almost every friday from now on, our batch being the 4th years, will be attending CAT. no longer is it the military thing but so far it appears to be a meeting for doing nothing that lasts an over an hour. today our bus was 30 minutes later then the last time. so instead of coming to school at 6:00 the bus came at 6:30 and while praying for no traffic and getting (thank God) barely any, i came home 7:30-ish.

what actually made the day seem longer was the kapatiran. kapatiran is an activity our school has between the 1st years and the 4th years where we, the 4th years, befriend the freshies and welcome them to our school. during this week we were supposed to give out clues and let our sisters guess who we are. then they do tasks and at the end there is a ceremony. its supposed to be a fun activity bringing unity to the school. i guess im one of those people who make activities like these not completely successful.
in short i wasnt as participative as i should have been and my sister wasnt as well sisterly as i think she should have been. i spent the entire time making sure she was still there, since she constantly left to go with her friends, wondering if she was having fun and sometimes asking her questions to start up a conversation only to be replied to by a short, stressed answer.
she didnt even do/ accomplish any of the tasks i assigned to her and when we met she never brought up the subject of her lack of obedience to my 'tasking power' and neither a sorry nor an explanation was given.

oh well...i honestly tried to befriend her thought it looks like she had it set in here mind that kapatiran was going to be boring. ( i heard her say it to a friend so this deduction about her thinking is not taken from complete fiction and my paranoia.)

its weird. now that i think about it i found it harder to be the ate then the sister. being the sister all you have to be is a 1st year and it wasnt even your fault who your ate was. being the 4th year i find that im now expected to know how to act, how to befriend, how to teach and be taught, how to meet strangers and act all loving and nurturing. i apperently and sadly havent learned most of those things which makes me automatically fear any activity which makes me use those talents i was supposed to learn during my second and third year. i hate feeling my heart being squeezed tight; i can imagine clearly my heart popping as my fingernails dig in to it in attempt to not panic. sigh...

(oh yeah by the way i got a bruise (as in black and blue on my ankle) from the only game me and my sister played. she and i popped a balloon each and our balloon stayed alive...i guess im proud of that fact :) )

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today sat we had review classes and damn i am not passing the UPCAT, ascet pa sana pwede pa but not the upcat. (s0 anyway)

i was at the national book store in katipunan and i was browsing the books and all i could think about was how they were like people. so many being born and some being lost. too many for one person to read, some not appealing to others. there are so many similarities that i may have to save that for another entry. :)

i love my books this day was about (for me) books...reading them, dreading them and learning form them :) synopsis