Friday, February 23, 2007
ouch?

So today i was actually able to bring facts to the fact that i can not work in a group. see me and a friend have been partners several times before and the same thing happens. its amazing we still try to work together. its not that we argue or anything, its just that we both cant get our ideas across and we end up staring at each other and just not accomplishing much. don't get me wrong, she's actually a really smart person. i guess our brains just don't jive.

well lets see what else happened today...well we just (we being nearly everyone i know) just finished a hell of a week. meaning we just had our test. and not only does that signify beating my brain up but it also means that its the last mdqt im ever going to take this third year. the 2nd to the last time i'll be panicking about third year AP, Fil and Eng... it king of leads me sad...yet...no actually, honestly im afraid of summer. i dont want it either. i dont really know what i want. it seems like only a while ago i was this simple little girl just thinking...just being there and enjoying meeting people in the washrooms in school... i sometimes miss that little girl though how devilish i remember her to be...or more appropriately how others remember her to be, since i can barely picture her in my mind.

So anyway going back to school grabe so many things comming up and im kind of excited and stuf... really i am :) hhahaha just wait nalang i guess for those posts...

You want to know something ironic? (and apologies if its actually not ironic) writing all this doesn't make me feel more relieved as its supposed to. If you share something, its supposed to make it better right? well...imagine what its like to open your heart and have someone touch it...even gently...and then you try to speak and all you can think about are those fingers touching you...sometimes crushing you...and you dont even know who it is... its like you giving a part of yourself and all you get back is that crushing feeling of being empty and a numbness that you cant shake away... and why do i still write here? because if i don't write it here its all going to bottle up and i'm going to end up crying my eyes out and maybe one of these days i wont be able to handle it...(maybe lang naman ^_^ worst care scenario hehe) .... its sometimes strange that i share my life with something so impartial and most of the time the only place i share my thoughts are though the internet and ive gotten so used to it now i find it hard to even talk to people face to face. Its pathetic i know. .you know, i can barely remember the last time i had a deep and really meaningful conversation with someone (except for 1 around 6 months ago) ...for just reasons sake...the ones right in front of your face where you actually exchange ideas and experiences...the last phone was with this person i dont talk to anymore...and the last ym...well that was recent, but see? its not that im not uber-duber greatful for them...it better then talking to a screen, but im just wondering...i guess some people have it worse than me... what just makes it more painful is that ive lost touch with some people... and though it wasnt good to begin with its just different now...and sometimes i just wish i could curl up and pretend i did care about any of these stuff. that my life before, keeping it all inside, is the life thats better, that makes me happier. but i cant... my heart cant take it anymore...its gotten used to being soft.

This is the ironic part i guess... im still typing....hahaha that kind of ironic right? :)) well i never was good with english...okay so for lots of people that may have been to much information. hay... sige i've been being too emotional...as some of the people i know would term me today "Ang E-MO today aaahh." sorry na....pagkinausap mo kasi ako emo lang talaga...di naman lagi just when i get serious... which is alot... but im not mature or smart or anything like that. so dont get it confused with serious... hahahahha :))

okay so biglang tumawa :| well kasi i realized i dont actually have to make kwento to my friends who read my blog. haha but then i thought again i'd be doing exactly to them what i, just 2 paragraphs above, was complaining about. hahaha okay so malabo kung malabo i said it anyway. okay...there goes the touching my heart feeling...its not the good king too... it like the ouch...why wont it stop...not naman the topple over and die pain thank God :)

Labels: emo?, labuanness, school, stuf