Tuesday, April 10, 2007
3rd summer entry

im in the summer stage of cleaning my folders in the computer. i've already cleaned my book places and arranged them in the most space conserving way (unfortunately i still had to place some on the floor of my cabinet -_- too many books). while cleaning the folders i saw my old, but not so old, essay i wrote for my english paper. i sort of like the way i wrote it and i didn't get a bad grade for it...i think a minus one because as i was editing it before i accidentally deleted part of a sentence and this led to the nonsensical sentence in my essay and also because i made the first paragraph in that form of the middle thingy...i dont know whats it called :P anyway i wanted to post it here (parang gayagaya no? :P but thats not the point) btw stuf happened but i'll make that kwento some other time :D me is happy :) thats enough information for now i guess

Lunch Period

Michelle Marie Mendoza

(#25 III-4)

It’s hard to find a place where you belong, some never actually do find it and some find more than one. And though this makes me sad, I think I have found that place. It wasn’t a place you’d normally think people would feel they belonged in. It was more of like my own secret garden.

I had found my garden when I was in my 1^st year of high school. Some might say though that I actually didn’t find it because this place had always been there. During the last day of the annual intramurals of our school I didn’t really feel like being with anyone. Not because I was mad with anyone or anything like that. It was simply for the reason that I wanted to be left alone. During lunch, I decided to take a walk around the campus and I stumbled upon a place where the trees gave shade, where the wind would whisper in your ear and the grass would grow not to prick you but to tickle your every sense as you lay down on its bed. I had always dreamed something like this, a place where I could avoid school and dream my little dreams. Looking around me, I thought, ‘this is perfect’. Though like all dreams, this bliss ended as soon as my time in the garden started. I had to go back to reality and cheer on my fellow house mates.

We had a break after the intramurals but I didn’t forget my secret garden. When school began, I would leave my classroom after the lunch bell rang and I would go to that place where my heart was most at ease. This would relieve me, for a few minutes, of all the stress and sadness I was feeling that day. I even met a manong there and we sort of became friends. When he would see me, he would politely ask “Kumain ka naba?” and I would answer “Opo.” with a smile, though my answer wasn’t always true. He didn’t ask me to go away nor did he tell me it wasn’t allowed and this helped me feel more welcome. Without fail I came to visit this place more often, sleeping, dreaming and simply being there. I was mostly by myself during lunch that year yet I was more at peace than I had been in a while.

Since then a year had passed and I was entering my 2nd year in high school. During the first day at school my friend asked me “where were you last year?” Hearing this caught me by surprise, and I tried to tell her where I was but I wasn’t sure how to put in words how much that place meant to me. I showed it to her and a few of my friends. They liked it enough and that was to be expected. Who in their right mind wouldn’t like a place to call theirs? After I showed that place to them they asked me another question that I couldn’t really answer. “Why don’t you eat with us?” It wasn’t like I hated them; I’m just the type of person who liked a little me time, but because the topic had finally come up in our friendship, I was caught in a dilemma. Either I stopped going to my little garden or I stopped hanging out with my friends. Since none of these solutions seemed good to me I had to think of something new.

One lunch period I came to my friends and said. “Hey guys, you want to eat at my place?” and luckily enough for me they agreed. We went there and they actually had fun. I guess they, like me, enjoyed the quietness of the place and how it seemed like you were the only ones there. We started going there more often but unfortunately many of my friends didn’t like the time it took for them to come to my garden and one by one, stopped coming with me. Once in a while my friends came with me. Sometimes I stayed with them and sometimes I went alone.

Bringing my friends to my place tuned out to be a decision I would soon regret. Apparently when you’re in a bigger group people take more notice of where you’re going, and the people who had, in the past, not noticed my garden were now starting to take an interest. I realized this when I went to my place one lunch period. I saw some other people hanging out there, not in my place, but the one beside it. That was the first time anyone else even went near my garden and I couldn’t help but feel alienated. It was my place; I was the first one there. What gave them the right to take it from me? But since the ground was school property, it had to be shared. This was the beginning of the end and from then on, slowly, my garden was being shared with others.

My secret garden finally stopped being mine. During one hot lunch period, I had to do some group work. I went to my place later than usual and there before my eyes I saw a group of people sitting where I used to sit. This ripped my heart and for once I felt like I didn’t belong in my garden any longer. Days after that incident they kept coming back and all I could do was watch. I had lost the home of my heart and the resting place of my soul.

It’s been a year since then but I still miss my little garden. I sometimes find myself looking out the window and remembering how it used to be. I guess, God decided to let other people enjoy what I did for over a year. And though now it is painful to remember how today I don’t have that same comfort that I used to do. I am still glad I found that secret garden and I hope that I would be one of those lucky people who find more than one sanctuary in life.